It's definitely not just us.

It's men, too. Everyone thinks they're fat.


Me: Have you been working out?
Male friend: indeed
Male friend: why do you ask?
Male friend: :-*
Me: You seem to have finally lost all that baby fat.
Me: ;)
Male friend: hey FUCK YOU YOU BITCH
Male friend: I FUCKING HATE YOU AND HOPE YOU DIE!
Male friend: just kidding ... yeah, thanks
Me: Oh, stop it.
Me: Like you've ever had any fat.
Male friend: I do have a little bit around the belly button
Male friend: it's true
Male friend: it's true
Me: Oh, jesus.
Me: It's called skin.


One of the most troubling banes of my existence is the preoccupation of all my female friends with their weight. But, as the evidence above suggests, it's not just us. It's a goddamn epidemic.

It frightens me. When a friend says, "I ate three french fries, therefore, I will do cardio for an extra 12 and a half minutes, along with six extra stomach crunches," it frightens me. It would seem to me that after the starving of oneself I witness among my friends, one would no longer have the energy left to formulate these complex rewards/punishment systems.

Whatev, dude. I'm tired of all these skinny bitches in the media. Who wants to be bony, or have sex with someone who is? Not moi, my friends.