God bless you, Dr. Kevorkian!

Why did I mention the venerable doctor famous for assisted suicides? Does that count as a suicidal thought?! Frantically I phone my doctor for I have recently joined the leagues of folks on (drumroll) WELLBUTRIN! Actually, the non-household-name generic, $10 on my insurance version.

But me, I'm not battling depression so much as anxiety... the anxiety the results from quitting smoking! Yay! *no one is allowed to question me as to the progress of my actual quitting, lest I begin to have homicidal thoughts. You're supposed to take the drug for two weeks or so before you quit cold turkey, and I've only been on it for four days. So bite me. (wow. errant aggressive thought there. time to take another one..)

Allow me to backtrack so you'll see why I finally decided to quit.

I was becoming hysterical about my life: not working (well, just for this month), moving, writing a piece for a magazine, feeling in the doldrums due to poor alcohol consumption habits, and just a general sense of ennui. Then, the heart palpitations began. After nearly two weeks of hoping fervently they'd go away, whilst my eyes bugged out of my head due to dangerous stress levels, I finally cracked and went whining with my tail between my legs to the doctor. After an EKG, several blood tests, and much drama, it was determined I should probably be induced into a coma so I'd be unable to engage in my unhealthy habits: drinking, smoking, caffeine, and stress. But how will I pay for my medical care while in a coma? I asked. So grudgingly the doctor allowed me to remain conscious, provided I tackle these habits myself.

The Wellbutrin was my brilliant idea. In fact, the doctor/patient dynamic was more me ordering him to prescribe me things I'd seen on TV and him nodding and scribbling at his pad. This should be good news for the ad departments of pharmaceutical companies.

I figured the stuff would relieve my stress, allow me to quit smoking, and also, prevent me from imbibing much at all since it's not recommended while on this medication. And it seems to have had a positive effect on road rage!

So now, I live a life dictated by pill consumption (currently 8 a day!):

2 wellbutrin
1 singulair - allergies/asthma
1 azithromycin - antibiotic for respiratory infection
1 estrostep - birth control pill (totally unnecessary, I might add)
1 zyrtec - allergies
1 vitamin C tablet
1 One-a-Day multi-vitamin

People, I'm not even 25 years old yet. Wtf? My friends are joking about getting me days of the week pill dispensers. But I feel good, damnit!