Mah nah mah nah.

So, a lack of work opportunities (despite the fact I am, I think, still gainfully employed) and an ensuing lack of funds has seriously crippled my social life.

I'm literally afraid to answer the phone because I don't want to pitifully admit to my friends that I can't take part in any normal social activities because I'm broke.

So, lately, I've been reduced to several activities to fill up my time:

- spending hours filling out online market research surveys in the dim hope that it will one day result in some type of financial boon.
- developing new epithets to hurl at my friends, most of which tend to be a variation of the word "bitch": bitchface. were-bitch. bitch-wolf. bitch-box. cunt-box. cuntface. assbox. assface. And so on.
- researching various factoids on the internet. For example, I've recently discovered that a cat may be pregnant with two litters, both at different stages of gestation and fathered by two different cats, at the same time. Also, that little pad further up their leg is for braking.
- contemplating what I will eat for the rest of the day, prioritizing according to perishability (just in case I ever leave town again).
- pulling out books that are probably over my head - like Sir Ian Frazier's The Golden Bough (a condensed version of the original 12-volume magnus), toting it around, and skimming the index for amusing entries. But not actually looking them up.
- meticulously arranging files on my computer.
- remaining perpetually in a state of either dreading/avoiding/planning going to the gym, being at the gym, or being satisfied with myself having already been to the gym.
- trying to think of people I know who haven't yet heard I've quit smoking, then telling them and basking in their praise.
- gossiping about more interesting social lives than my own.
- forcing my friends with any type of connections to free events to invite me to them, and then wheedle my way into free booze.
- making fun of my friends' LoveSac, a lamentably, hideously uncomfortable imitation of a sofa.
- ogling shirtless men, wherever I may find them.
- trying to convince my cat into hanging out with me.
- making lists.

And guess what, my friends? None of these activities costs a dime!! Well, unless you count the money that's already been spent on gas, gym membership, bribing people to be my friends, microchipping the cat so he can't escape, etc.