Thank you, Fake Boyfriend

Today's the day I wring out my liver like a sponge. No booze, significantly fewer cigarettes, and Lost on TV tonight. Plus a One-a-Day Weight Smart and some sugar-free Halls Defense Vitamin C Supplement Drops. This is my personal recipe for healthy livin'.

Technically, I should probably head over to Mt. Pleasant at some point to take care of some lingering gift-buying obligations, especially since I'm back on call today for work and could be jetting off with a mere few hours' notice, but it's raining out there. Today, I've decided I just don't do inclement weather. I haven't scotch-guarded my suede boots yet, so screw it.

Mojo feels the same way. If I open the door, he just looks out at the rain and then gives me a pained look. Since I control his universe, it's clearly my fault. But he's content to harass me in his stir-crazy feline way, alternately lolling around tragically and making random mad dashes through the house.

Well, at least I'm doing some laundry. And I guess I could wrap some presents. Okay, I'm not as listless as I sound, it's just that the past few nights have been veritable marathons of drinking, playing pool, and other associated activities liberally intermixed..

...such as, for instance, obtaining fake boyfriends. I didn't realize until last night that fake boyfriends get jealous! Yes. It's true. Allow me to explain. Last night, a beady-eyed man who I thought seemed nice enough to engage in conversation at first became increasingly repulsive to me, but clearly didn't realize it, despite my strong yet polite signals to that effect.. In short, it was necessary to obtain the services of a fake boyfriend, who was actually working at the bar.. I got nervous that he would get too busy to thwart Beady-Eyes, so I pressed another young man into service as fake boyfriend #2. Once FB#1 got wind of this, he got a little jealous and feigned a bit of a hissy fit. All in good fun, but during this little drama, Beady-Eyes managed to get my attention and for some damn reason, talked me into chatting with his buddy on his cell phone. Apparently his friend didn't believe he was talking to a real, live girl!

Anyway, at a later point in the night, an older guy even offered to be FB#3 if I needed him. He was really nice, a mortgage broker. I told him he reminded me of my dad (don't know if that's what he wanted to hear, really, but I was drunk). But FB#1 had committed himself to the goal of getting rid of Beady-Eyes with a renewed zest, so at this point it wasn't really necessary..

Okay, time now to stop rambling and at least clean my room or something.