99 problems and bacon ain't one

Sorry, fanny, I had to steal that one, it was just too good.

I just saw a commercial that made me laugh maniacally for a good thirty seconds. These three people were at a barbecue, holding their overloaded paper plates and drinks, looking around and going, "Um..want to sit...here?" and gesturing to the ground. One went, "Um..okay..," went to sit down, lost his balance, and promptly flipped his plate up and splattered cole slaw all over his face. Then the voice-over: "Need a place to sit? Come to K-Mart for blah blah blah." Ha.

I haven't blogged recently because frankly, I didn't feel like recounting the grisly details of my Germany trip. Let's just say it involved some mishaps due to internal company screw-ups, lots of frantic trans-atlantic calls when I ended up stranded alone in various airports and hotels, a fun-filled eight hours in O'Hare airport, and a gradual onset of fatigue and bitchiness.

So, now that that's over with, I had some interesting conversations with random people I met en route to here or there, as I was traveling alone for most of my trip and was somewhat tired of entertaining myself. One was a former Ukrainian (now a Floridian) visiting some relatives in the old homeland. He and I got toasty on a flight from D.C. to Frankfurt thanks to Lufthansa's policy of free booze on those routes, and he revealed that he, a 34-year-old man, had recently been squiring around (and feeding vodka and pickle chasers to) a 19-year-old girl and wondered if the relationship had a future. Wow, right? Gross. He kinda gave me the creeps after that.

My rooommate just ran in here and gleefully announced that a little white dog is chasing people up and down the street. I'm beginning to think that this neighborhood exists in some strange vortex or magnetic field that makes animals act a little kooky. I've already documented the strangely aggressive avian behavior in the area. Just something to think about... hell, I guess I've been watching too much Lost.

My new column came out with much fanfare (all of it produced by me), and I bullied a significant number of people into reading it. The only fly in that ointment was that my bio was accompanied by someone else's picture, a fact which I learned when calling a friend from O'Hare hell, and then proceeded to cry and rant about loudly (with some naughty words interlaced) much to the chagrin of the people sitting around me.. but really, people just get damned emotional when they're really tired. Blame those screwy airlines.